Christian Parenting

By Pastor Joe & Debbie Tassell

As our second child prepares for his last year of high school and then heads off to college, there have been those who have asked us what we did “right” in bringing up our children. Before we begin listing some things that God has laid on our hearts, we need to stress that it’s ALL God. It is only by His power and might that we were able to accomplish anything with our boys. He enabled us to bring them up as godly men who love the Lord and want to serve Him in whatever way God leads them. Psalms 127:1a, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.”

1) Love your children! Give your children hugs and kisses! When a parent gives their children hugs and kisses, they are less likely to go elsewhere to find “hugs and kisses”.

2) Give your family priority! Husbands, your wife and family should be your priority, not going out with the guys!

3) Spend quality, alone time with your children! Parent, that bonding time is so important if you want your child to listen to you in anything you say.

4) Read various books to your children! Pass on the love of reading. They are never too old to read books to.

5) Read the Bible to your children! Pass on the love of God’s Word by reading God’s Word to them at bedtime. We’ve actually come across people who have said that they don’t read. Say what? How do they teach their children what God’s Word says with authority if they don’t read? (1 Pet. 3:15; 2 Tim. 2:15).

6) Teach your children to not take anyone’s word for granted! Teach your children to not take what their parents, pastor, or teachers say for granted. Teach them to delve into God’s Word for themselves to see what answer God has for them! Then pray about it. Make it personal! (2 Tim. 2:15; Deut. 11:18-19).

7) Church is a priority! God comes first! Parent, when you don’t feel like getting out of bed to go to church – do it anyway! Parent, when you don’t feel like going to a church activity – do it anyway! If you don’t set the example now, how will your children ever learn this extremely important way of living? By not putting church first, you are teaching your children to give God their second best! Do you want your child to be the happiest they possibly can be? Teach them this important priority! (Heb. 10:25; 1 Cor. 10:31).

8) Saturday night is not the night to stay out late!Letting your child stay out late with their friends so they are half awake on Sunday morning, or even worse, don’t make it to church, is teaching your children that God is not a priority, worshipping Him is not a priority. You are teaching your children it’s okay to come to church half a wake so they can barely listen to what the Sunday School teacher or the preacher is saying about God’s Word. Don’t teach them that God’s gets seconds! (1 Cor. 10:31).

9) Busyness is ungodly! His Word commands us, “Be still and know that I am God!” (Psa. 46:10). Do not fill your child’s life with many fruitless activities just because you want them to be “well-rounded”. Filling up your child’s life with activities that have nothing to do with Christ or His great commission or not allowing them to “think on these things” is a grave error that will come “back to bite you.”

10) Block TV Channels! Parents don’t be afraid to take control of the entertainment in your home. Say no to certain shows even if “their friends” are watching them. Don’t allow your children to have TV or Internet access in their bedrooms. Letting your child watch whatever he/she wants no matter what age is like letting the pedophile down the street come into your house and rape your child. Putting raunchy stuff in their brains does not magically disappear later on in life. (Phil. 4:8; I Cor. 15:33).

11) A radio should not be an important thing in your house! Our children did not have radios growing up. Don’t let the frivolous, lascivious music into your house or into your child’s brain. A song or lyrics are not easily removed once they are heard. Take control of what your child downloads! We are not saying that all music has to be Christian, but it should be something that wouldn’t offend Jesus Christ when He is in the room. (Phil. 4:8; I Cor. 15:33).

12) Stay informed on the entertainment industry! Know what’s going on. Know how to explain to your child why you say no to certain movies, music, etc. This will also help you maintain balance in your home, so that you are also able to say yes to things that are not that big a deal! Because you are informed! Because of this you will be able to teach your child also to be discerning about media. (Matt. 10:16).

13) Back up every rule with Scripture! So it isn’t just you saying it, it is God’s Word demanding it. Be ready to give an account to your children in all things. (1 Pet. 3:15).

14) Homeschool! Let me preference what we are going to say here by saying: Thank God for our public school teachers! We thank them profusely for taking on this very difficult position! We also know that not all teachers and children your child comes in contact with everyday are Christians. Young minds are pliable and susceptible to what is being taught to them and around them. It’s important to ground your child in biblical truths at a young age, so that they may know why they believe what they believe (in every subject)! We believe the best possible place to do this is in the home. (If you want more reasons to homeschool, please come talk to us and we will gladly talk with you.) (Prov. 13:20; Deut. 6:6-9).

15) If possible, mothers, don’t work outside the home!Wow! What a novel idea. A stay-at-home parent. (Titus 2:3-5; 1 Tim. 5:14). The excuse we hear most often is that we could not afford that. Why? Because you’re used to getting everything you desire? If you don’t need it, do without! “Use it up, wear it out, make do, do without!” God’s Word says owe no man anything (Rom. 13:8). If the reason you are working is because you are in debt up to your ears, then you need to get your priorities straight. What does this teach our children? Why is our country in so much debt? Because parents have neglected to teach their children that “things” are not the answer to happiness. This is sin! (Matt. 6:20, 24).

16) Teach your children to tithe! Who gave us the money or our jobs in the first place? It ALL belongs to Him. The least we can do is give Him 10%. Teach your children when you give to Him, He will take care of you!! Our family has seen it firsthand! (Col. 1:16; Phil. 4:19).

17) Don’t be afraid to say no! You are NOT their best friend! You are the parent first!! Do not give in to this! (Prov. 29:17).

18) Dating is not for young children! Teens who have no control of their sexuality need not be dating or in a one-on-one relationship! A tween going through puberty and just figuring out what it’s all about doesn’t need the added burden of sexual temptation thrown at them. We do not own our own bodies if we are Christ’s (We are bought with a price). So teach your child to treat their body, soul and mind like it’s His, because it is! (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

19) Have your child dress like they are God’s child! (1 Cor. 6:19-20.) Not the world’s child. God wants them to be modest. “I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly…” I Tim. 2:9. Parents, your daughter doesn’t need to be dressing provocatively around the boys. Please explain to them that boys hormones do not function the same as girls! Please sit down with your daughters and explain thisvery important matter before it’s too late! Before your daughter comes crying to you because a boy took advantage of them or worse!

20) Parent, teach your sons to respect girls! Teach them to treat a girl like she is God’s child!

21) Teach your child to be polite! Teach them even if they don’t like someone, they should still be polite to them!! Love your enemies! (Matt. 5:43-48).

22) Laugh! Laugh! Laugh! Parent, a loving, sweet, laughing, spirit, will become your children’s. If you walk around with a sour face, your child will have a sour face. If you are angry all the time, your child will grow to be angry all the time. (Eph 4:31). Teach your child to smile and laugh through the hard and difficult times. Make the verse “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Neh. 8:10b), a reality! Take time to laugh with your children. It’ll make their day! (Psa. 68:3)

23) Pray for them! Author John Eldredge states, “To live in ignorance of spiritual warfare is the most naive and dangerous thing a person can do." Your children are fighting every day for their lives. The devil is REAL and roaming “around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Pet. 5:8). Be on your knees for your children praying that God will protect them and guide them and that they might truly seek Him every day.

An actor for a new MTV series recently said, "When you are a teenager, your friends are your family." Teens are finding more relationship with peers than with parents and its destroying families and churches!

Parents, God has given you the privilege of bringing up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord! (Eph. 6:4). Do it! God has not given the responsibility of raising your children to a youth pastor or other leader in the church. The church is not responsible to bring up your children!! YOU ARE!

Your Pastor and your church love you and are here to support you and help you. But YOU must be the parent God wants you to be!!!

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him" James 1:5. We are praying for you!

Self-Love

I have received another interesting question from another friend. Again, I thought this might be a topic of interest to others....or, perhaps not. Either way, here goes:

Matt. 22:39 "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

The following is my friend's question:

"There is often a huge debate amongst people I respect greatly on the whole topic of self-esteem, self-love, and this verse. How does one properly and Biblically respect yourself as one of God's creation without becoming gloating and yet also not being so disdainful of ones weaknesses that we view ourselves as garbage?"

Here is my response:

I think a good place to start is by looking at Ephesians 5:28-30...."In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body."

This statement and the statement in Matthew 22:39 make the assumption that a normal person takes care of their own needs. It is normal to ensure that you get the food and water you need; the clothing and shelter you need; and so on.

Neither passage is intended to be taken as a commandment to love one's self or to care for one's self. These are statements that assume you do that and, therefore, you should live towards others in the way that you (as a normal human being) do towards yourself.

There is no contradiction in these statements with Jesus' command to deny ourselves. Rather, these statements reinforce an attitude of self-denial. That is to say, if it is normal to love and care for one's self (from a naturalistic standpoint), then Christ is commanding us to live above the natural - live supernaturally - by applying what is normal to the lives of others.

So, one could read that command in this way: "Just as it is normal to love yourself, you shall love others in that same way."

Again, there is no command to love yourself; rather, the command is to love OTHERS with what would normally be self-love.

Self-love has been corrupted by sin which dwells in the flesh. In fact, "love" has been twisted and corrupted altogether by the world. To properly understand and apply the Great Commandments (Matthew 22:37-39) is to take a step in recovering true Love for the Glory of God.

On the matter of properly respecting one's self as a creation of God: As believers, we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit. Our bodies are His temple (I Corinthians 6:19-20). Just as we would be very careful to treat a temple made of brick and mortar, so we should be careful to treat our bodies as God's. "You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

This is a matter of attitude. We do not care for ourselves out of a sense of vanity or indulgence; rather, we do so as stewards who are striving to be faithful with what God has given us.

"Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful" (I Corinthians 4:2).

Does God Hate Gays?

Recently, I was asked the following questions by a friend of mine:

"What do you think Jesus would have thought about homosexuality and gay marriage? Would He have hated gays? Would He have accepted gays for who they are?"

With all of the sad and unfortunate hatred that is often expressed by people claiming to be Christians, I can understand why my friend asked such questions. And I felt it was of the utmost importance to answer these questions. So, here is my response:

First, it is a true shame how so many have taken the message of God's Love through Jesus Christ and turned it into something that it is not.

Does Jesus hate gays? Absolutely not! He loves them and wants to bring them into right relationship with God the Father. That is His desire for everyone.

John 3:17 says, "For God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him."

The big problem is that people have somehow decided that one behavior is worse than other behaviors. But the fact is: we all fall short (sin). God's standard is not that we live a better life than someone else. His standard is perfection (holiness). But none of us are perfect, so He provided that perfection for us by giving us His Son, Jesus. When we turn our backs on our own efforts at trying to please God and accept the perfect work of Christ in our place, then we can stand before God as forgiven and cleansed.

All of our behavior (homosexual, heterosexual, whatever) falls short of being what God requires. Only Jesus Christ, the perfect Son of God, lived up to the standard that God required.

But following Christ is not easy. He said that whoever wants to be His disciple has to deny himself. That means we don't live for our own pleasures, we live for His glory. And He will accept everyone who comes to Him in faith with a true desire to live for Him. And even then, we will still fail and fall short. But He promises to keep forgiving. He will pick us up every time we fail. And He wants us to keep forgiving each other too.

So, what would Jesus think of "same-sex marriage"? I don't think He would give much attention to it. I think He would love people and teach people His way and if the government wants to make same-sex marriage legal, then that's their business.

Being homosexual doesn't send someone to hell. Neither does stealing, cheating, lying, committing adultery, or any other sin. We are all hellbound sinners because we were born in sin and that is our nature. Jesus was very clear about what sends us to hell and He was just as clear about how to get to heaven. He said...

"He who believes in Him [Jesus] is not condemned; he who does not believe has been condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God." John 3:18

God doesn't require us to "clean up" our lives in order to please Him. He wants us to trust in Him and then, live for Him. He loves us ALL. And He won't turn away anyone who comes to Him in faith and repentance.

For me, I couldn't care less if they (human government) make same-sex marriage legal. It won't change anything about my marriage and it won't change anything about what I believe or teach. True marriage is a covenant relationship established by God. The State-issued contract that makes a marriage legal in the government's eyes has little to do with the covenant that God calls marriage.

Everyone is welcome at my church. We don't turn anyone away. God accepts us right where we are, then He takes us on a journey of redemption and transformation that is truly amazing!

Life in Christ is worth it! And it's available to EVERYONE who comes by faith!

Elders and Deacons

“A bishop [elder], then, must be…Deacons likewise must be…” (I Timothy 3:1-13). God’s Word clearly instructs us concerning the qualifications of elders and deacons. We are left with no doubt what qualities we should seek in those whom we appoint to serve as leaders of the church. These qualifications can be found in I Timothy 3 and Titus 1. But sometimes the question is raised concerning the roles and responsibilities of these two offices. Do the terms “elder” and “deacon” refer to the same office? Or are they two distinct offices each with their own area of responsibility?

Well, such questions should be answered scripturally. And to be clear on this matter is important for our church so that we are not hindered in our efforts to effectively minister to the glory of God.

First, let’s consider the elder. The New Testament also refers to this office as bishop, overseer and pastor. A church may have one pastor or several depending on the needs of the congregation. The primary responsibility of the elder/pastor is proclaiming the Word of God. Ephesians 4:11 speaks of those who are “pastors and teachers”. The Apostle Paul taught Pastor Timothy that “a bishop then must be…able to teach” (I Tim. 3:2). In Paul’s second letter to Timothy, he urged the young pastor to “Preach the Word!” (II Tim. 4:1-5). We also learn that elders are to watch over the spiritual welfare of the church. They are to “hold fast the faithful word” (Titus 1:9); “they watch out for your souls” (Hebrews 13:17); and the Apostle Peter instructs the elders in his first epistle to “Shepherd the flock of God” (I Peter 5:1-4). Finally, elders are responsible for the administration – or oversight – of the church’s overall ministry. This begins with effective oversight of his own home. “He must be one who manages his own household well…if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?” (I Tim. 3:4-5).

Second, we have the office of deacon. The word deacon means servant. The only place in the New Testament where we find any description of the responsibilities of this office is found in Acts 6:1-4. In this passage we find that the Apostles were becoming overwhelmed with the job of caring for the church in Jerusalem (a church of several thousand members). Some widows “were being overlooked in the daily serving of food” (Acts 6:1). So, the Apostles instructed the church to appoint men who would serve the church by caring for the needs of the members, especially watching out for those who may otherwise be neglected (such as widows and the elderly). The purpose of establishing the office of deacon was to alleviate the Apostles so that they could devote themselves “to prayer and to the ministry of the word” (Acts 6:4). We can logically conclude from this passage that the role of deacon is to assist the pastor/elder in ministering to the needs of the church so that the pastor (or pastors) is not overwhelmed.
The biblical example of the role of deacon is brief thus allowing each church to function as needed. The church’s size, location (and the time period in which it exists), all present different needs and circumstances. The deacon’s responsibility is simply to serve the church by helping the pastor. Here at Immanuel Baptist Church we have several offices established to help care for the specific needs of our congregation. The deacons serve most closely with the pastor to serve the Lord’s Supper and meet the spiritual and material needs of the members. We also have deaconesses, trustees and our finance team who all fulfill the role of “deacon” (servant) in various ways so that the ministry of our church is accomplished “being fitted together…growing into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit” (Ephesians 2:21-22).

It's Kind of Like...

I was reading this morning about the frustration that doctors often feel when trying to get their patients to understand the importance of exercise and I realized how much doctors and pastors have in common on this point.

The doctor's frustration is kind of like a pastor's burden for his congregation.

Your doctor feels like a broken record. He’s sick and tired of telling you
how important exercise is to your health because YOU DON’T LISTEN.

He’s sick of explaining how so many of your health problems will improve or
even disappear as the result of a consistent exercise program.

He’s tired of tallying your controllable risk factors which include
physical inactivity and obesity.

So why does he continue to give you the same lecture?

Because he’s seen exercise change lives!

He’s even seen exercise save lives!

So it is with the pastor who is so often not heard when he implores his brothers and sisters in Christ to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called [spiritual exercise], with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:1-3).

"If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit" (Galatians 5:25). Again, spiritual exercise.

Why? Because lives are changed! And more than that, God is glorified!

Pastor

“The elders who are among you I exhort, I who am a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that will be revealed: Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly” (1 Peter 5:1-2).

Have you ever wondered why we use the title “pastor” to refer to the one that God has called to lead the church? The New Testament uses four different titles for the same position: elder, bishop, overseer and pastor. However, elder, bishop and overseer are used more than 15 times and the title “pastors” is used only once (Ephesians 4:11). In that verse it says, “And He Himself [Christ] gave some to be…pastors and teachers.” Everywhere else in the New Testament, when the spiritual leaders of the church are mentioned, they are called elders, bishops or overseers.

So, why has “pastor” become the most commonly used title in the church today? Well, I think we use this title with good reason because it so beautifully captures the fullness of the calling of one who has been appointed by God to be an elder/overseer of His flock. First Peter 5:1-2 (quoted above) is Peter’s reminder to the elders of the church what their calling truly is. It is not merely to be a business administrator, though administration is certain a part of pastoral ministry. After all, the church is not a business or merely an organization; it is a living organism; it is the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12-14). Nor is he called only to preach, though preaching the Word of God is of central importance (2 Timothy 4:1-5).

The Apostle Peter calls on the elders to “shepherd the flock of God.” What does he mean by “shepherd”? Well, the Greek word translated “shepherd” in this passage is derived from the word that is translated “pastors” in Ephesians 4:11. This is a personal ministry. A shepherd loves the sheep. The sheep are more than just a commodity to the shepherd. He knows each one and he strives to care for each one according to their particular needs. In the church, this means more than just preaching to the whole congregation on Sunday mornings. It means being available to the individual members and striving to encourage and edify through the ministry of personal relationship. Although this ministry takes place in many settings (homes, hospitals, etc.), the one place that represents the overall ministry of a Pastor is his office which is often referred to as the “Pastor’s Study.” I have a sign on the window of my office that was given to me by one of our members a while back and I think that it states very well the reason that we prefer to use the title “pastor”.

“The Pastor’s Study is a symbol of the calling of the Christian Minister to be the shepherd of a flock of God. Here, sermons are prepared to feed the congregation on God’s Holy Word. Here, the work of the Church is planned so that the congregation may grow in grace and bear fruit in fellowship, teaching and witnessing. Here, you will always find a friend and counselor in time of need. He will not be surprised at your sins, nor will he judge you in them, but, he always invites you to share with him, the wisdom and love of God, the knowledge of forgiveness of sins, and the saving grace of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. You Are Always Welcome.”

Where is Your Treasure?

Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:21).

Where is your treasure? Some teach that this passage is calling us to reject all earthly possessions other than what is essential to get along; a vow of poverty; suggesting that earthly wealth, in itself, is wrong. They look to verse 19 of this passage in support of their position: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth…:

But Jesus is not speaking merely about having money or material possessions; He is speaking about the condition of our hearts in relation to earthly wealth. The Apostle Paul expanded on this teaching in his letters to Timothy. In First Timothy 6:9 he says, “Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare.” Then, in verse 17, he says, “Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches…”

The problem is not in having money and things. The problem is in desiring those things, trusting in those things and feeling proud of those things. It is a matter of attitude. We give our hearts to that which we truly treasure. And Jesus made it abundantly clear in Matthew 6:24 that we cannot give our hearts to Him and still have affection for the things of the world.

God is not trying to ruin our fun. He is not some ogre who demands that we give Him all of our attention rather than to something of equal value to Him. There is nothing that is equal to God Himself in value! Why? Because He is the Creator and Sustainer of all! Therefore, God is of infinite value.

There is a very practical reason why God wants us to set our affections on Him and store up our treasures in heaven rather than pursuing the accumulation of earthly wealth. That reason can be summed up in two words from First Timothy 6:17…“uncertain riches”. Our nation’s current economic crisis ought to be sufficient evidence of that uncertainty! In Matthew 6, Jesus points out that all earthly possessions (including money) are vulnerable to theft, decay and collapse. According to recent news reports, even the government insurance that protects our money in the bank is in jeopardy.

But, as God’s children, we need not worry about all the uncertainty that is threatening the American way of life. In fact, Jesus commands us several times in Matthew 6:25-34, “Do not worry.” If we are desperately hanging on to earthly things, worrying about what life will be like if it all collapses, then that is evidence that our treasures are earthly and our hearts have misplaced affections.

I wrote in my last post about the importance of believing that God is great. If we truly believe that He is great, that He loves us, that He wants what is best for us; then we will hold loosely to our money and material possessions. If we truly have our affections set on heavenly treasure, then we will seek ways to use our earthly treasures for a heavenly purpose. Do you have enough? Then, find someone who is in need and share with them. That is how you can use your earthly treasures to store up heavenly treasures.

The words of First Timothy 6:18-19 are written to those who have been blessed with much. As Americans, we all have been blessed with much. So, these words apply to every one of us: “Do good…be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, storing up for [yourselves] a good foundation for the time to come, that [we] may lay hold on eternal life.”